I cannot find my penis.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
