Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
