As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
