last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize