Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm always down for nudity.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
