I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
