i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize