I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
