Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
