Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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