I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize