If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
