My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
