im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
