Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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