I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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