I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
why do cheetos always look like penises
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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