Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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