Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
