i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's blow job season.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
