my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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