Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize