What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Randomize