Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize