separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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