FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
