why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
