Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
