I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize