I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
