we made out on top of his cat.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize