the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
