i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
