new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize