if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
