I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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