Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
