Pants 0. Shit 1.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
