My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize