I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
