There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
