made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Success! We fucked roommates!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
