I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
