My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
