i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
