just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize