you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I will be naked everywhere
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
