Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
