this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
