I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
True college students do jello shots in the library
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