Im at strip club and am horny
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
