new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
