Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
