in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
it glows. i had to have it.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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