dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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