I must be too annoying 4 u.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize