1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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