i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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