The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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