I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
