is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
