she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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