similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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