the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
