he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
bring money and cleavage
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
