ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
