and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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