and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
