you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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