mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
